Tag: family
There are 8 entries that are tagged family. Now displaying reults 1 - 8.
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Family Inheritance Planning
Posted on August 13, 2008 by Her
This weekend was my maternal grandmother's 85th birthday, and my family threw a big party for her. Our family is scattered across the country, but most of the family made the trip to celebrate with her. Her home is the heart of our family. Everyone calls it "the Big House" as in, "Will you be at the Big House for Christmas?" It has been in our family for generations and serves as the gathering place for every family celebration. But lately the big house has become too big for my grandmother. Even though there are other family members living there with her, nobody hears her frequent falls because the house is too big.
So the future of the Big House was called into question this weekend, with everyone gathered there. What will become of the Big House when grandmother is no longer able to live there, or when she passes away? The entire family agrees that the house should stay in the family, but who exactly will inherit it is undetermined. The six-bedroom house is much larger than the typical modern family needs. It is older and costly to maintain: a recent roof replacement alone cost $30,000. The property is huge and requires a gardener. The property taxes are very high. Who in my generation of grandchildren could even afford to keep the home?
We proposed that possibly, if the timing worked out in a few years, we could. Our income is higher than almost all of my other cousins' incomes, so we would best be able to afford it. Another option would be a cousin and his wife, who could share the home and expenses with their parents. Though the expenses would be a burden, it would mean preserving a family bond for one more generation. To me and my family, that is priceless.
Have you ever taken on a large financial obligation out of duty to your family?
Keeping Up With The Joneses: Mom's Ring Finger
Posted on February 01, 2008 by Him
Ah, my crazy mama. I may have posted about her a few times before. One commenter even said she enjoyed my mom's antics. Here's another one for your enjoyment.
A few years ago after both of her sons were engaged, my mother seemed to have noticed that her simple, yet elegant, wedding band wasn't enough for her ring finger compared to her future daughter-in-laws' adornments. My mom had told us numerous times that she doesn't wear her engagement ring because her diamond was small. I can say that's true because I've never seen it.
One day last year we were out at a family function and both Her and I immediately noticed something different about my mom...she had a platinum ring with a LARGE diamond and matching wedding band on her ring finger! When she noticed that Her and I noticed, she again said that her engagement ring was small and wanted to buy a bigger one for herself. I chalked it up to my parents being empty nesters and not knowing what to do with their money.
Well, fast forward to a few weeks ago: Her and I were having dinner with my parents, when I noticed an entirely NEW diamond band around my mom's ring finger. Her noticed as well and we gave each other the "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" look at each other. A little later during dinner my mom showed off her ring to Her and again recited to us the story of how her original engagement ring diamond was too small, so she got herself a new one.
I know what you're thinking: ANOTHER new one? What happened to the second one? Answer: I have no idea. It's like it never existed. Maybe we made it up. Maybe we're the crazy ones.
I wish my dad talked a little more, because I'd be a little pissed off if I were him. My mom essentially bitch-slapped him and said, "Your gifts to me were so crappy that I went out and had to buy 2 rings to make up for it, biatch."
I guess my mother's ring envy got the best of her. Twice. Maybe because both of her sons got engaged she thought she had to try and upstage both of the new engagement rings. Who knows.
How Much Do You Tell Your Parents?
Posted on November 09, 2007 by Him
I love blogging about my mom. Really. She gives me so much to talk about. My dad doesn't speak much, and he's not crazy, so I don't write much about him.
Ever since I've been more or less financially independent from my parents, I feel as if they don't need to know the financial minutiae of my life. When I first obtained my current job, I divulged my salary information to my mom; however, back then I did live at home and was eating their food. Now, I don't tell her much - currently, my mom doesn't know exactly how much I make. That doesn't stop my mom from asking, though.
I wouldn't mind so much if she asked maybe once a year or so. It gets annoying because everything eventually turns to "how much did it cost?" Here's a fun scenario:
Me: Mom, I'm running a half-marathon!
Mom: Oh really? How much does that cost?
Me: ...
You can substitute my first line with anything, from "I like midget bondage" to "Oh my god I sliced off my thumb" to "No, Mario Lopez will always be A.C. Slater to me." She will, in some way, ask about the cost.
Now, here's what happens when she's asks about money coming in:
Mom: So how much was your bonus?
Me: It was a nice amount...
Mom: You should give some to me and your dad.
Again, you can substitute "bonus" with "salary", "amount of Christmas presents", "tax refund" or "illegal mob money" and still get the same result.
Where I start to get angry is when my mom starts asking me about Her's salary, bonuses, cost of whatever. That is certainly not her business. She has even asked Her directly about some money issues. I thought that was way out of line and I told her so.
Why don't I like telling her specifics? My mom has a way of using whatever information I give her against me, and possibly Her, for her own evil purposes. Oh mama, you so craaaaaaazy.
How much financial information do you divulge to your parents? Do they ask you about your finances or do you readily give them information? How has this affected your relationship with them? Do you tell them, or do they ask about your partner's finances?
My Parents Keep Up With The Joneses
Posted on November 05, 2007 by Him
photo: bunchofpants
When I was growing up, my parents were always pretty good with money. After all, they did pay for two of their son's college educations, not a small feat for first generation immigrants.
Since my parents became empty nesters, though, they have been a little frivolous with their money. Now as readers of this blog know, we're not ones to shy away from luxury or the more-than-occasional-treat. Her and I get a good laugh out of some of things they buy, since we know that the cost really isn't that significant.
For example, when Her and I went to my parents' home during the holidays last year, my mom kept telling us about the wine that she bought from (the now extinct) Marshall Field's. We opened up a bottle, and offered my mom a glass. She refused because "it all tastes like vinegar and makes her dizzy." When asked about why she bought the wine, she had no trouble bluntly saying, "Well, your aunt and uncle had it at their house last year."
Those same relatives who had the wine at their place also like to travel. They became empty nesters a few years before my parents did, and decided they would take a European vacation. Until then, my mom said absolutely nothing about wanting to ever travel in Europe. Lo and behold, the first year that my parents became empty nesters they took a European vacation, much to the chagrin of my dad. He was so not psyched to go that he didn't pack until an hour before they had to leave for the airport.
Have I mentioned that my mom has 2 cars? One that was bought...you guessed it...after my parents' became empty nesters!
My poor dad just goes along with all of this. I think he's okay with it though, because my brother and I helped him put together a home theater for him. Admittedly, he didn't really want a nice home theater until he saw how awesome my brother's is, but it genuinely makes him happy to have and use it. His main vice is action movies on DVD, no matter how bad they are; thus, their house is littered with movies starring "Bruce Li" or "Chuk Noris."
I don't feel bad at all empowering my dad to buy crappy DVDs from the $1 bargain bin.
Guests, Guests, and More Guests
Posted on August 23, 2007 by Him
We've just had company over for the last 11 days, hence the lack of timely posts. Mind you it wasn't all the same people - somewhere in our budget there was room for a revolving door that family and friends could come and go as they please.
Of course, having guests over for any period of time induces a little mental stress, although we have yet to sit down and see what kind of stress is put on our finances. Luckily, our guests were all more than generous and insisted they pay for meals out (which some they did, some we did), suggested that we eat in, or just plain stuck to inexpensive things to do. At first glance, it doesn't seem like it'll be too bad, but we need to give Microsoft Money a thorough work out.
Getting Drunk Or Oil Changes For Cheap (Or Free)
Posted on May 28, 2007 by Him
This past weekend I went to lunch with a friend of mine from way back in the day. Although I haven't seen this guy in quite a while, when we do get together it usually results in a crazy night where I wake up without pants (in my bed, mind you) and half-eaten Doritos all over me. The great thing is that almost all of my cash that I left the apartment with is usually still left in my pants, wherever I left them.
What I neglected to say is that my friend is bartender. Not only does that mean free drinks at the bar that he works at, but he seems to know every bartender at every other Chicago bar. He also worked at a restaurant, and when he did we would get heavily discounted meals at nice places. Alas, the biggest expense whenever we went out were for cab rides and tips.
Normally, I'd really feel guilty taking all of the free drinks, but I NEVER ask to go out to the bars with him. Whenever I invite him out, it is usually for lunch where I can pay for myself. Whenever he invites me out, it is generally to a tavern or six. I consider myself really lucky to have such a generous, well connected friend.
When it comes to getting discounted services, I also able to get inexpensive service performed on our car. A family friend of ours has been the mechanic for all of our cars for the past 10 years. At first we would bring our cars to him because we knew he wouldn't rip us off, and he would charge us only a fraction of the labor charges. Now when we ask him to look at our cars he offers to do it "on the side" at his house, assuming it isn't too complicated. He takes a little longer, but only charges us for any parts. Of course we add in some extra cash to compensate him for his work.
In the first example, I get free stuff because of a mutual friend relationship - we do more than drink. In the second example, it is purely a business relationship - we only really see each other when the car needs work.
Do any of your relationships (business, friendships, etc.) directly affect your personal finances? How did these relationships come about, and how are the discounted services or goods handled?
Rich People Plan For Three Generations...
Posted on January 09, 2007 by Her
Rich people plan for three generations; poor people plan for Saturday.
This great quote from Money Monk via Single Ma got me thinking today. We have no children yet, but we are probably going to have to care for my parents someday. As it turns out, we are planning for three generations!
We're planning for my parents:
My parents have made few arrangements for their financial future, so Him and I are trying to give them direction where possible. For example, for Christmas we bought them The Easy Will and Living Will Kit: A Simple Plan Everyone Should Have
We're planning for ourselves:
We have set a target retirement number and are contributing to our 401K's and Roth IRA's. We are paying down our debt to improve our credit scores so that we can look forward to purchasing a home with a good mortgage rate in the future.
We're planning for our future family:
We have opened a UPromise account that can someday be used toward our children's education. We are also trying to make good financial and career decisions now so that we can provide for our family later. We donate time and money toward worthy causes that will help us leave the world brighter for our children.
Proactive Parent Protection
Posted on July 03, 2006 by Her
My parents have been planning to drive out to visit us this summer. Over the phone, my mom admitted that she was planning to pay for their trip by maxing out their home equity loan. This is a bad idea for several reasons - they are close to retirement and should be aiming for zero debt, and often a HELOC is the last line of credit available to you in an emergency and it should be reserved only for emergency use. I was dismayed by this news, and told my mom that a better choice would be to save up for a trip until they could afford it. But she wouldn't listen.
At the same time, I recently realized that in order to take time off during their visit, I would need to take some unpaid days off from work. This doesn't align with our goals of aggressively paying off debt and saving up for our wedding. I realized that this trip was going to be a bad financial decision for my entire family, so I sat down and talked to Him about it.
Him had a great idea! He suggested we cancel their visit, and offer to visit my parents during Thanksgiving instead, when we already have time off from work. At the same time, we can accrue some air miles toward our Honeymoon. It's a better solution for everyone. I pitched the idea to my parents today, not mentioning my opinion of their loan idea, so they would feel as though they were doing us a big favor and wouldn't be embarassed by their financial situation. They thought it was a great idea! My mom even confessed that she was worried the cost of the trip would "sink" them, but she didn't want to cancel it and break my heart. She was so relieved when I suggested we re-schedule.
It just goes to show how tightly money and emotions are bound up. Sometimes parents are willing to quietly put themselves in financial jeopardy for the sake of their children. Therefore, it's important for children to recognize when parents are over-extending themselves and be proactive about protecting them.
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