• Posts Tagged ‘advice’

    Relationships and Finances: Please Give A Reader Advice!

    by  • October 31, 2008 • Tagged: , , ,  • Comments

    If there’s something I love about you, our dear readers, it is that you always give solid advice (even if we don’t agree with it). I once again ask for your wise words to help out another reader. He writes:

    Before we got married, I asked my wife how much debt she had. She was very vague, but after some push and pull I got a rough number of “about $15K,” not counting her student loans and car loan. That was quite a bit compared to the nearly zero debt I aim to maintain. But I figured that probably wasn’t too extreme since the two of us make over $50K/year in salary each.

    Well fast forward to after the wedding and move to a new city for both of us. It took her a while to find a job in the new city, but she did find an entry level position just to have SOMETHING. A few months working there and she finally found a job in her chosen field making about the same as what she made before we moved.

    During this time, she kept asking me for money to help pay her bills. I lovingly helped her because I see the marriage as a joint venture. What affects her affects me. She’s been working at this higher paying job now for about 5 months and she’s still asking me for money.

    After the attempted calm and rational conversation escalated to a LOT of pushing and pulling, and then to a full on screaming from her direction, I FINALLY discovered the truth. Counting her student loan and car loan and ALL of her credit cards, she has almost $100K of debt! Her MINIMUM monthly payments on her credit cards alone are more than $1,000/month. All 5 of her credit cards are maxed out. Her paychecks go toward minimum payments and then whatever she has left over go toward frivolous purchases like knick-knacks, new shoes, clothes, and purses.

    She doesn’t see anything wrong with what she’s doing not only to herself but to me and US! I’ve tried taking her credit cards away from her and sitting down with her to talk budget but she absolutely refuses. Now we are losing money left and right. We can still pay the bills, but BARELY. I’ve had to dip into my savings and I also had to use all of the inheritance I got from my late mother just to stay afloat. Her only reason for not talking with me is “my parents fought about money and that’s why they divorced.” I would think NOT talking about money is worse than arguing about it.

    I’ve been making all the payments on the mortgage and utilities. She hasn’t contributed toward them at all because she can’t afford to. If I had known the extent of her debt, I never would have bought this house. I’ve been looking at debt consolidation and even bankruptcy and other means of trying to lower her monthly payments but everything I’ve seen says we have to fall behind in those payments and not be able to even make the minimum payments before any of that will even apply to us.

    Do you have any advice for me? I’ve tried getting her to talk to me or even a financial planner but the financial planner seminar that is coming to town that she did agree to go to isn’t for another 6 months. We will be flat broke by then.

    Give Us Advice On How To Help Her Out With My Mom

    by  • February 6, 2008 • Tagged: , ,  • Comments

    Another day, another post about dealing with my mom.

    While my mom’s antics are quite bearable for me, it is mainly because I’ve been dealing with her all of my life. Her, on the other hand, has only had a few years of experience with directly dealing with my mom. Her has been great about doing stuff with my mom and respecting my mom’s cultural wishes.

    There are times, though, when my mom gets a little out of hand, especially with questions dealing with finances. When Her and I are together, I can easily deflect direct questions about finances; my mom has no qualms about asking anything from me directly. But what should Her do when my mom asks her a financial question and I’m not there?

    Here’s a recent example: Her and my mom went to a wedding shower of another close family friend. Of course since we’ve been planning our wedding for, uh, forever, my mom turned some of the guests’ attention to that topic. My mom and her friends were asking Her direct questions such as, “How much did _______ cost?” Her understandably felt uncomfortable and ended up divulging the information to them. Hey, a bunch of feisty Asian women can be terribly intimidating…you know…all the ninja stuff and everything.

    So, dear readers, we ask for your advice:

    When asked by my mom a direct finance-related question and I’m not around, how should Her handle it?

    Is my mom out of line?

    How should I give my mom a karate-chop to have her stop putting Her in uncomfortable positions like that?