What to Do if You Can't Afford to Attend A Wedding
Posted on October 24, 2008 by Her and tagged wedding
The economy is in a slump, and wedding attendance is seriously hurting. Traditionally, brides planned on 10% to 20% of their guests declining the invitation. Today that the average is more like 40% to 60%. It can be sad for a bride and groom not to have their friends and family in attendance, so what can you do if you're one of those guests who has to decline because you can't afford to attend?
- Send your R.s.v.p. as soon as you know you can't attend. This allows the couple to possibly invite someone else who didn't fit into the original list, or to make arrangements with their vendors for a reduced price.
- Tell the real reason why you can't attend. Saying, "I really wish I could come, but finances don't permit me to travel right now" is a lot kinder than lying, "I can't come, I'm going to a flea market that weekend." (yes, this was a response we received)
- Send a card before the wedding. In it you can mention that you are sad to miss the big day, but that you'll be thinking of them and wishing them well. There's no need to include a gift, just the kind thought is plenty.
- Send an email the day before the wedding, wishing them luck and sunshine. This shows that you remembered the day.
- After the wedding, ask if you can see their photos or video. It shows you care and genuinely wish you could have been there.
Have you used any of these tips when you couldn't attend a wedding? Has anyone done these things when they couldn't attend your wedding? Let us know!
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J M C | Oct 24, 2008
I hated thinking I'd be the first to decline attending my cousin's wedding this summer, but I, too, felt it was best to RSVP via a phone call right away to let her know I wouldn't be there. I told her the truth - I couldn't afford to travel, and I do think she appreciated my honesty. As Sonri said, it really did suck.
Sarah | Oct 24, 2008
We lied and said we couldn't afford the travel when in actuality we didn't want to attend their wedding.
A close friend got married while I was in Spain, I did what you suggested - gift with a card prior to the wedding, a good luck email, and I demanded pictures the next time I saw her. It was nice to be able to somewhat share in her special day.
Jen | Oct 24, 2008
This is a great post. You have laid out a very graceful way to deal with a situation that might make people uncomfortable.
My fiance and I are planning a wedding for next June and almost all of our guests will be traveling from out of town. I am glad you mention that people should NOT feel obligated to send a gift just because they were invited ... I'm so paranoid that people we invite might think we are just fishing for presents. The last thing we would want is for attending our wedding to be a burden to our friends or family.
Lady | Oct 27, 2008
Thank you for these very nice tips.
I'm probably lucky that most of my friends who marry have their weddings in accessible areas. I'm sure that there will be an instance wherein which I wouldn't be able to make it to a wedding of a friend because I can't afford it, so I'm glad that I've read these tips: at least I've ideas on how to decline my attendance politely and discreetly.
Cheers!
Sonri | Oct 24, 2008
I just had to do this today. Both of my childhood best friends are getting married and it was sooo hard to find the right words to say that I wouldn't be attending. I will definitely do the last two suggestions. It really sucks not being able to attend when you REALLY want to.
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