• Our First Married Fight Was About…Money

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    On Sunday we had our first married fight :(

    It was over money, the very thing we are supposed to be working so hard to be a team about. It made me sad.

    Here’s the background: when we first started our jobs four years ago, we were going through a rough patch. So when filling out the beneficiaries on his work insurance forms, Him put me as a 50% beneficiary and his parents as 50% beneficiaries on his life insurance. Should the worst have happened, this would have helped me stay in our apartment for a brief time while I made other living arrangements. He apparently discussed this with me, but I don’t remember. At that time, I made Him the only beneficiary on my policy, which would have given Him great flexibility should the worst have occurred. Over time, our differences healed and we got engaged. Our insurance policies lay dormant and forgotten.

    Flash forward to this weekend, when Him mentioned to me, “Oh, now that we’re married I have to change you to be the beneficiary on my life insurance policy at work.” I said, “I’m NOT the beneficiary already?” and he said, “No, you’re 50% and my parents are 50%.”

    This means that for the past three years that we have been engaged, Him had left me unprotected in case the worst had happened. I had so much student loan debt that I would never have been able to stay in our current (very cheap) apartment. I would have been evicted within months, as my paycheck covers my student loan payments and not much else. At the same time, Him had arranged to give his parents a big chunk of money when they absolutely do not need a dime. I was really hurt.

    I felt that the arrangement was appropriate at the time the policies were created, but by getting engaged I thought Him would have made arrangements to protect me. Him felt that the policy was always appropriate.

    So, we argued and said stupid things. And that made me sad too because we have always worked so hard on our finances and on being a good team. Fortunately we quickly came to our senses. I realized that we probably should evaluate our insurance policies more often, and that we need to communicate clearly. Him realized that part of his role as a husband includes protecting our family from financial disaster. In the end we agreed to evaluate our insurance policies and we kissed and made up.

    What was your first married argument about? Did it involve money?

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