How I Got Comfortable Sharing Money With My Husband
Posted on September 19, 2008 by Him and tagged credit, guest_post, relationship, retirement
Hannah blogs about money and marriage at Monogamoney.com. Topics include saving, budgeting, investing, travel, and The Dark Knight.
In honor of the nuptials of Him & Her, I thought I would harken back to, lo, those many months ago (October, 2007) when Jon and I tied the knot.
After our wedding and honeymoon, we immediately hunkered down and cut back on spending, so we could pay off our credit card bill. And we started discussing how we would max out our Individual Retirement Accounts for 2007, and contribute the full $4,000 each. That's when Jon said, "If, at the end of the year, I still need an extra $2,000, you can give it to me." Wait a minute, I thought. You want me to GIVE you $2,000? Just GIVE it to you? And you won't even pay me back?
You see, Jon's parents have always completely shared their finances. My parents, by contrast, don't even have a joint checking account. That's partly because Jon's father was always the primary breadwinner, so a joint account was necessary. My parents, by contrast, have always made roughly the same amount of money, so there was no need to combine everything into one account. But the funny thing is, I grew up on a commune. You'd think I'd be the one advocating that we share money.
Of course, I knew I should give him the $2,000. I had made more progress putting money into my own IRA, thanks in part to a generous gift from my grandmother. And in the long run, it's obviously better for me if we've saved as much as possible in BOTH of our retirement accounts. I just had a little trouble, the first month or so after the wedding, adjusting to this new mindset, in which "we" replaced "me" when it came to financial decisions. Unlike Him & Her, who have clearly been a financial team for a while, Jon and I didn't start thinking about these issues until after our wedding. (That's when I started our blog, Monogamoney.)
A few weeks after our initial discussion about the IRAs, the thought finally occurred to me: "You're either in it for the long term, or you're not. And if you're in it for the long term, give him the money." And since I'm in it for the long term, I gave him the money. We use our joint account to pay rent, but everything else is paid for out of our individual accounts. And we no longer keep track of every dollar we spend.
Do you share and your partner share all your finances? Why or why not?
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Barbara | Sep 20, 2008
My partner and I have 3 accounts: hers, mine and ours. Our paychecks are deposited into our individual accounts. Depending on what we decide, we each put in either 50 or 67 percent of our net check into the joint account.
Out of the joint account we pay rent, food, gas, insurance, utilities and anything else we decide is for both of us.
The money in our individual accounts is used to maintain and fix our own cars, buy things, go out to eat, save, whatever. It works quite well.
My partner and I combined our finances a few months ago, after operating with separate accounts for our entire relationship previous. It has been a wonderful change - we agreed on a budget, have shared financial goals and, fortunately, we agree on what's important to spend money on and what is not. If we had very differing views on needs vs. wants, I don't think it would have been such an easy transition. But both our parents fought a lot about money, and we were committed to doing the opposite.
Gigi | Sep 22, 2008
We were married just over a year ago and set about combining our accounts. In the end we have my account and a joint account. My previous home is now being rented out and my mortgage was the same as my bank. To ease mortgage payments, I kept the bank an make partial payments to that account. He has access, but doesn't remember it. It's kind of like the forgotten money that shows up in your coat pocket the next winter.
C. | Sep 25, 2008
Ugh. I had the same reaction when after 6 years of living together - with separate accounts - my now husband wanted to combine finances.
My parents had both joint and separate accounts. I remember when I was little my grandmother telling me about keeping a little "mad money" just in case.
I came to the same conclusion, though: we're in it together. A year later, I'm happy to say that it really is better than trying to figure out who owes how much and whose turn it is to pick up the tab.
Communication and shared goals are absolutely essential, though. I still sometimes get annoyed at my husbands' (to me) spend thrift ways. But I love him, and I know we are working together to build our life.
Becky@FamilyandFinances | Sep 19, 2008
I just got married in July 2007, and my husband and I share finances.
Both of our sets of parents have combined finances, so it was very natural for us to do this. Also, he makes a lot more than I do and I plan on being a stay-at-home mom in another year or two when kiddies come along!
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