Going Out to Eat: How Much Should We Spend?
Posted on September 22, 2008 by Him and tagged dining, food, guest_post, relationship, spending
Hannah blogs about money and marriage at Monogamoney.com. Topics include saving, budgeting, investing, travel, and The Dark Knight.
Jon and I recently let a relative stay in our apartment for a week, while we were away on vacation. As a thank-you gift, she gave us a $150 gift certificate to a nice restaurant. And this presents us with a problem.
Jon and I have very different styles when we eat out. He'd rather go out less often, and spend more each time. He thinks that when we go to a nice restaurant, we shouldn't scrimp. We should each get an appetizer if we want one, we should get a bottle of wine, we should get dessert, because there's no point doing it if you don't have the full experience. I'd rather spend less, and go more often. I get more enjoyment going twice and getting only an entree each time, as opposed to going once and getting the works.
A few months ago, this perpetual disagreement led to the biggest fight we've had since we got married. We had a $400 gift certificate to a nice restaurant, which we received for our wedding. So we decided to invite two of our friends out for dinner. I wanted to strategize beforehand, so we could make sure we kept our tab under $400, hopefully even having enough to pay for the tip. Jon felt like I was spoiling the fun. He won; the bill came to $700. (In defense of my husband, he eats out like this only once or twice a year. And it was his birthday.)
The next day, after a little yelling and maybe a tiny bit of door slamming, we decided that before we go out for a nice meal, we'll label it a "Hannah" night or a "Jon" night. If it's my night, I get to control our spending, and Jon can't complain. If it's a Jon night, he'll order whatever he wants and I can't complain.
What do you think? Have you had any similar fights with your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse? How did you resolve them?
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Luckily, my fiance and I are usually very similar in our desires when it comes to food. We are sushi addicts, so most of our dinners are within a predictable price range. He does like to drink and I don't, so sometimes I do give him looks when he wants his beers.
Vica | Sep 22, 2008
We go out about twice a week to very reasonable restaurants and are conscience about how much it costs. We just like to get out of the house and my loving husband doesn't feel I should cook too much on weekends. On special occasions we will go all out and spend a lot more money ordering appetizers wine ect.
Sophia | Sep 22, 2008
yeah that's a good solution.
i like the idea but i'm not sure how it works? do you get to eat 3 times?
my boyfriend and i go for the "eat out often but not so much" one. i would like to "eat out less but eat more" but i couldn't give up the former ;)
Sounds like a win/lose situation. While your nights will always be reasonable the sky's the limit for Jon. I think you should both agree on a finite amount that he can spend on 'extras' per year, and when he's reached that limit they're all "Hannah Nights."
The thought of a $700 is something I can't even imagine and makes my physically ill. I couldn't enjoy a meal knowing that it cost that much.
James (who is poor but eats like a king. At home!)
Joe | Sep 23, 2008
OMG! $700 for dinner! That would cover my wife and I eating out twice a week for two or three months. I have found that the 'let's not worry about money tonight' attitude is what can cause money problems. How can you budget when there is wild variable spending. I know some people don't like to feel 'restricted', but we try to find a compromise such as, we can order what ever we want as long as it is under $50. Also, we often split meals, to save on costs.
Ok, I have to ask: what restaurant did you spend $700 in? I can't imagine food for 4 people costing $175 per person (or ~$150 per person if the $700 is after the tip).
Does this figure include alcohol, and if so, how much? (eg couple bottles of wine vs the whole evening's "drinking after dinner" worth)
Even when my husband and I go out to a nice restaurant for appetizers, steak, dessert,and a couple drinks, we've never had a meal come to over ~$75 each (and we feel that's a big splurge-y number).
My husband and I both prefer to eat out less, but have (to us) a more enjoyable experience each time. That said, we know how much we can spend each time, we don't just order things off the menu because they're there. We don't have a fixed, but we know how much we personally consider "enough" or "too much" to spend on a single dinner.
My husband and I go out for sit-down dinners fairly often, and we usually order drinks, an appetizer, entrees, and desert. It may say something about the caliber of the restaurants we dine at, but we've never spent over $150 on a meal.
It also may say something about our budget, because my husband is a paramedic, and $700 is an entire paycheck.
We used to blow out money on dining out quite a bit from cheap takeaways to fancy restaurants. The sky was the limit.
We have now budgeted $150 a month on meals and that amounts to a cheap takeaway a week or a nice meal a month.
Kim | Oct 10, 2008
I'm a student & he's a teacher in the big city - not much money. If we want to eat at a nice restaurant, we go for appetizers &/or dessert. Or we split a meal - the portions really are ridiculous and I never finish them anyway. You really get over feeling cheap when you realize that there are 2000 calories per plate!
There are also nice inexpensive independent restaurants; they tend to be ethnic, which we happen to like. But we still get to eat in a nice place w/o eating in plastic booths.
Unspender | Sep 22, 2008
That sounds like a good way to settle your disagreements over dining out.
My partner is more like Jon and I am more like you. My partner is also a future doctor, while I am a mere media person. Our ultimate incomes are quite different. We're working towards finding a balance. Please let us know how this compromise works out.
Thanks!
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