Shower Gifts, Oh My!
Posted on August 18, 2008 by Her and tagged gifts, wedding
Recently Him's mother and my bridesmaids hosted a bridal shower for me. It was really lovely and was attended primarily by family friends of Him's mother. These women are very close and I've gotten to know several of them well over the years. All the same, I was completely floored by the lavish gifts they presented me with. We were very careful to register for lots of items in a variety of prices, expecting to receive the smaller items (kitchen utensils, cutting boards, etc) as shower gifts. But we received only two of the affordable items. The rest were very expensive pieces like crystal, china, and kitchen appliances. I would guess that the average gift we received was well over $100. I've been a guest at many showers and usually spend $35-$60 on a shower gift, depending on how well I know the bride. Now I'm wondering if I've been a Scrooge all this time! Either way, I'm hopeful that my gifts have shown the brides as much love as the gifts we received.
How much do you typically spend of a shower gift?
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!wanda | Aug 22, 2008 | Reply to Him
My mom is Chinese from Taiwan, and that's honestly what it feels like to me with she and her friends. The number of expensive gifts and $100 hong bao being passed back and forth boggles my mind, because I didn't think most of her friends were that rich. Of course, my mom keeps a bin full of expensive gifts she has received that she then gives to other people, so maybe that's what all her friends are doing too. It's the same sort of mentality that causes Chinese people to fight over who gets to pay the bill at a restaurant. Part of the gift-giving is motivated by hospitality and good-will, of course, but a bunch of it seems to be at the very least score-keeping. I mean, if you receive a very nice expensive item, far better than what you normally use, why else would it automatically go in the "gift bin"? That's only necessary if you feel that the gifts you give out need to be on average the quality of the gifts you receive (and you can't afford to buy that kind of item new). To my mind, the best metaphor for her gift-giving situation is actually a controlled arms race, and I know that after I get married and become an "adult" I have to give at least her friends and their children just as nice gifts. It makes me kind of apprehensive about marriage, actually, because I can't afford $200+ nice things for all her friends and their children, and I don't have much of an existing bank of "gifts" to give out.
mapgirl | Aug 29, 2008 | Reply to !wanda
I think you need to break the mold here with your family. I have about 50 relatives I could realistically invite to my wedding, and I'm not obligated to give any gifts to them for Christmas except to my immediate family. Nor do I expect anything from anyone in my extended family as a present.
It's presumptive to think Him and Her feel the same familial obligations you do. I know I see my parents used to feel those pressures all the time when going back to Korea to see family, but now when my family comes to the US, we only ask them to bring things we truly cannot get in the US. (Like a special fabric bag for squeezing out moisture from foods. Much stronger than cheesecloth. Weird, but extremely useful.)
Catherine | Aug 18, 2008
I usually spend $40-$60 on a shower gift and sometimes I'll go in on a big item with a friend or two.
At my cousin's wife's shower, we were not only EXPECTED to bring a gift from the registry (which was insanely expensive $200-300 items were the norm), but it was REQUESTED that we bring another gift for the "wishing well" that was in the $20-50 range. Thankfully we weren't supposed to put our names on those. I would have felt better about the whole thing if we had received a thank-you of any kind.
Beatrice | Aug 18, 2008
$100 is very generous for a shower gift. I would say spending $35-60 for a shower gift is the norm (at least in the Northeast). I recently got married and many couples gave us $100 for a WEDDING gift.
BD | Aug 18, 2008
Some people give fancier gifts at the shower because they expect them to be opened in public, and then give something more reasonable at the wedding. However, at my shower, $35-50 was the norm (plus the cost of hosting the shower, of course). At the wedding, my side gave $100 or so and his side gave $50 (plus the cost of flying out to our wedding).
I don't know what a "shower" is. Only read about them on PF blogs. We received wedding gifts that probably averaged $50 (apart from from our parents where we got money in the thousands).
meagain | Aug 18, 2008
It sounds like they were individual gifts? I know my mom and her friends (they play Bunco) will go in on a gift if they are all invited and each contribute 50-75 and get a 'big gift'. For my cousin's shower, the aunts went in on the Dyson, etc. It's pretty much standard and keeps them all from having to buy individual gifts.
over here in our asian country, weddings truly are an occasion for merriment and gift giving. i don't make much (as until recently, i was a mere student), so since i'm forced to be thrifty when purchasing a gift, i try to make up for that by attempting to pick out something thoughtful. other more well off gift givers tend to be more generous, some in order to show off, :D while others do it as a means of giving something back (generosity as thanks for their good fortune), and others of course simply want to show their affection for the new couple. :)
it seems to be true that gift giving tends to be the norm here for big days, but i'm thankful that what the gift lacks in monetary value can usually be offset by its meaning. :)
I guess I'm pretty cheap compared to most. I usually spend only $20 on a shower gift, unless it's for a sibling. I have way too many cousins to be spending that much for a shower gift. Plus, I'm not a big fan of the idea of showers in modern society (I declined offers to have one when I got married).
I spend $50-100 on wedding gifts (more for relatives, less for friends or if I can't make the wedding), and half that on shower gifts, if I go to the shower at all. Maybe I'll reassess once I start making more money, but probably not! ;)
Grace | Aug 19, 2008
It depends on the person. I usually spend around $50 for a bridal/baby shower gift, but recently just spent around $2,000 to attend and throw my GF's baby shower in NYC.
Sounds like you guys will have a good time collecting those red envelopes at the wedding!
amaranta | Aug 20, 2008
it depends on the person- usually at least $40-$60, but i try to buy things that are 'big' (ie a bunch of kitchenware that add up to $60, not just one single item). if it was a best friend i would spend more, plus i'd probably be hosting the shower. however, i DO NOT buy an additional gift to bring to the wedding.
**Ashley | Aug 21, 2008
I always buy a china place setting, because that's really all I plan to register for when/if I get married (25-- single) so I figure it's good karma to give. They have ranged from $35 to $130 for each set.
!wanda | Aug 18, 2008
Beware Asian people bearing gifts. It's not a gift; it's an arms race. A gift of $35-$60 is probably enough for your friends. But after you get married, you will have to give $100+ every year to each of His relative's children as well as nice Christmas gifts.
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