The Dollar Dance
Posted on June 26, 2008 by Her and tagged wedding
One of the most controversial wedding traditions is the Dollar Dance (also called the Money Dance). Expected in some cultures and regions, abhorred in others, the Dollar Dance is a dance where guests line up and give a dollar to the bride or groom in exchange for a dance. Though each couple only dances for a few moments, the dance can go on for a while until everyone has had a turn. One nice aspect of this is that the bride and groom have the opportunity to personally thank each guest for coming and chat for a moment with them. However, it can also be seen as a tacky way to extort more money from guests who have already spent quite a bit on transportation, lodging, and a wedding gift. We made the decision to have the Dollar Dance because it is expected in Him's culture. Unfortunately, my family will probably be offended. In turn, Him is offended that my family will be offended. Sheesh! To qualm everyone's emotions, we are going to put a note at each table explaining what the Dollar Dance is and that it is a cultural tradition for Him's family.
Have you ever had to negotiate a tricky financial landscape between families?
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Ick. I think it makes sense to explain it...I mean, certain cultures have a tradition of holding out bags for people to stuff money into at weddings. So it's not like there's one culturally polite way to handle this sort of thing. Culturally, I don't like to ask for money...but that's how I was brought up with weddings.
@Laura, I'm sure you could work something out. Perhaps you could hand out pretty slips of paper for turns dancing...or some other token the guests can bring up for the dance.
Beatrice | Jun 27, 2008
Just curious--what cultures/regions is this dollar dance expected in nowadays? I just wikiied "money dance" and was surprised to see that it originated in Poland! I've only been to one wedding where there was a dollar dance and a lot of people thought it was was really tacky. My fiance is half Polish and I'm Asian but we're definitely not doing that at our wedding.
Outsaving the Joneses | Jun 27, 2008
It's traditional in my husband's family (Mexican), but I'd never heard of such a thing until a year or so ago. I am not okay with guests needing cash for anything at a wedding--drinks, dances, whatever.
I think you're finding a good compromise. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, though. Made me too uncomfortable.
I think the idea of including information about it ahead of time is a good one. Communication really helps dispell some of the resentments that spring up with traditions people might not understand.
I also liked the idea of having slips of paper or something fun for guests to bring up instead of money. That way, it's not about the money, it's about getting to interact with all the guests in a personal way. That could be an awesome compromise.
Melissa | Jun 30, 2008
I'm a little extreme in my opinion on this one. I think it's unforgiveably tacky. But then, I don't even want to register for gifts or allow my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. I'd feel greedy asking someone to buy something specific. But then as a guest, I love registries (especially for couples I don't know very well)! And I didn't mind buying a dress as a bridesmaid. But the dollar dance is still tacky, no matter what.
Pierre | Jun 30, 2008
My wife is Jewish, and although we didn't have a Jewish wedding, we did incorporate a few of the traditions, like the breaking of the glass and the hora. We did take time to explain them to our non-jewish guests, which was greatly appreciated.
Didn't have a Dollar Dance at my wedding because it just doesn't fit our "culture".. however, been to wedding with the Dollar dance and never had a problem with it. My mom is Russian and at Russian weddings the bride goes around gives people a shot of vodka in exchange for money. I kinda think people should just chill out and let people do whatever they want at their weddings. It's fun to go to wedding with different events and traditions.
Jane | Jul 2, 2008
When my husband and I had our wedding, we did the Dollar Dance. The DJ explained the tradition which is customary in our culture. For those who wanted to participate they did. Of course, there were others that did not. The Dollar Dance is a great way for people to meet and greet the groom and bride and have brief one-on-one conversations with the new couple. In other cultures there are money trees, wishing wells, or the couple goes around different tables and collects envelopes of money. AGAIN as a Reminder to those of you who are being judgemental using the word "Tacky" in order to describe other people's traditions: If a person does not want to participate, then they do not have to do so. It is a joyous ocassion for the couple--they make the final decision.
Finally, here's a suggestion. If it makes you uncomfortable to do the Dollar Dance, leave some elegant looking envelope on the table and label it "Wedding Gifts and Wishes." Have one of the Best Man, Maid of Honor, or family member collect them for you at the end of the night (or before you both leave.)
Congratulations -- Being married is a lot of fun
:-)!
I think if you just get on the mic and explain it's a cultural tradition before you start, then it shouldn't be offensive to anyone. Just tell them that participation is not mandatory. I mean honestly, would your family be offended to find out that in Asia and a lot of other countries, you just fork over a fat wad of cash with no gift at all? Getting married is about starting a new life together. How much money is wasted on registry when really what the bride and groom need is a house to themselves? Money for a downpayment doesn't grow on trees. Traditionally in Italy and Korea, your wedding guests give you a cash gift to get your downpayment started so you can leave your parents' homes.
My cousin married another Korean guy (We're Korean) and they did a paebaek ceremony and explained it all. However as my mom put it later, it's a private ceremony at the home of the groom's parents. While my mom thought it was weird to do it in public, us kids thought it was interesting and fun. (The bride rides piggyback on the groom around the room and we cheer them to go faster as the go around.) Your marriage is a melding of two families and two cultures. Your family should get used to that idea because when you have your first kid, that's when things will really hit the fan.
Never heard of the Dollar Dance. With all the fuss, I would be tempted to hop a plane to Vegas:-).
Good luck navigating the latest cultural challenge.
Pdlam | Jul 9, 2008
I like the idea above about handing over a piece of pretty paper instead of money. Maybe you can ask your guests to write a special note or good wishes instead of money.
Gigi | Jul 14, 2008
My husband is Greek (I'm not) and during the first few dances many of the Greeks relatives and close friends would take stacks of $1 bills and fan them out and toss them over us and other people dancing. We told many of our non-Greek friends and relatives that this would happen and told them that they wouldn't be expected to join in.
Every one of the non-Greeks had a blast and found the tossing of the money a very neat tradition.
Traditionally the money goes to the band unless an agreement is reached beforehand and then the money goes to the bride and groom.
For the record we had $3009 one dollar bills, a few $5s and $10s and even a $20.
Angie | Jul 16, 2008
I have never been to a wedding that did not include a dollar dance. It's not tacky because it's purely optional - there have been weddings I went to that I did not participate. At my own wedding, it was a nice chance to spend a moment with guests and thank them for coming, share a quick antedote, and know they were there (it was a big wedding; I didn't have a chance to make rounds to everyone there). Really it's up to the bride/groom.
sodak | Jul 16, 2008
Why would donating $1 to a recently married couple be "tacky"? If you're already there, then you WANTED to be there to wish them well in their marriage. One more dollar certainly doesn't break the bank.
I know this is a midwestern tradition along with selling the garter. Both events at my wedding helped my dh and I with our early married life.
Amy | Jul 16, 2008
It's tacky because when you invite guests to a party, it's rude to ask (even if you give them an "out") your guests to help you pay for your party or to help you finance your life after your party. If someone gives you a gift, money or otherwise, you may accept it and should express your gratitude, but it's rude to set up a situation where guests are expected (even if you give them a way to decline) to give you gifts of money. It's not about whether or not they love you and wish you well; it's about the fact that gifts should not be an expectation when you invite someone to be your guest.
Samuel | Jul 18, 2008
Dollar Dance is a good concept but is it OK for everyone? I have a doubt since already guests spend lots of bucks by buying the gifts...I did not like to attend those ceremony although....Smile
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Samuel
Steve | Aug 7, 2008
I have never heard of this, in the UK we don't do this at our weddings.
One thing that has started is running a sweepstake on how long the speeches will take.
I was lightly pressured to join in and too my horror I won. Over £100 and had to collect it in front of all the wedding guests.
Some how didn't seem right so I bought every one drink with it.
Sarah | Oct 1, 2008 | Reply to Steve
At my recent wedding we decided to do a dollar dance and it was a hit with out guests! People that didn't want to participate didn't and those that did really enjoyed getting one on one face time with us. The best man and the maid of honor collected the money and we made $250! It was quickly used up on our honeymoon which was a nice bonus.
Lorrie | Jan 27, 2009
Anyone who calls someone's culture "tacky" is tacky. Everyone is soooo uptight. If you don't like it, then don't participate. In the Mexican culture many of the guests expect to dance the Dollar Dance with the couple. You can never make everyone happy, only make yourself happy. Judgemental people will find something wrong with everything no matter how hard you try to make them happy. They just like to complain and whine and point out "flaws" because they really are unhappy with themselves. I did the Dollar Dance at my first wedding - because the DJ announced it.. caught me by surprise and almost the whole room stood in line.. if they didn't want to, they would have sat there. I'm going to do it again for my second Wedding (on Valentines Day). And anyone who has anything nasty to say about my beautiful wedding - can just leave!!
Laura | Jun 26, 2008
Fiance and I are getting married in October. This has also been an issue of concern for us. The money dance is a pretty common thing in the Midwest, at least among our friends' weddings. Until we got engaged and started reading up on wedding planning, we had no idea that it was even a controversial tradition.
We are not really comfortable with the idea, but we think it would be fun to dance with a lot of our guests. Maybe there is a way to do it without people having to forfeit a buck?
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