When Does Borrowing Become Mooching?
Posted on January 21, 2008 by Him and tagged free, friends
Back when I was a kid, borrowing Nintendo games from friends was an accepted practice. One would usually set a limit to how many days the game could be lent out for; those who went past the deadline were usually given a good book check in the hallway or have an annoying girl told that he had a crush on her. There was always that one kid who kept games for a lot longer than was ever agreed upon. I hated that guy.
I feel that the rules of borrowing are a little different now that we're adults. I have a friend who owns a Blockbuster store worth of DVDs. He's pretty generous with lending out his DVD to friends; he'll push them on you if you haven't seen a movie of a TV show that he things is awesome. Other friends of mine often ask to borrow DVDs from him, which he happily lends out.
He does have many television shows on DVD that I would like to watch. Since we recently canceled our Netflix account, we don't have the unlimited access to any DVD we'd want to watch.
If I asked him to borrow DVDs am I:
A) Making a frugal decision? After all, I am just borrowing a few DVDs from a friend.
B) Being cheap? I have enough money to rent/buy them on my own, after all.
Of course, if he actively lends them to me (dude, you HAVE to watch this...here's the DVDs!) then that's a totally different story.
When does borrowing become mooching? Do you have friends who are over-borrowers? Do you borrow a lot of stuff from your friends?
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miranda | Jan 21, 2008
I don't have a lot of DVDs, but I do have a lot of books. I don't think I would consider it "mooching" even if a friend borrowed a stack of books every week, so long as they returned them in good condition, in a reasonable amount of time. And I would actually feel uncomfortable if a friend tried to repay me with wine or snow shoveling or anything like that. Books and DVDs aren't like money or food-- it's not like you're using up a resource that has to be replaced.
The only thing I think you would have to be careful about is making sure that your friend doesn't begin to feel as if you're only calling/socializing with him as a pretext for borrowing the DVDs. There was a time in my life when I became the goto computer expert in my social circle, and it hit a point at which I felt as if every conversation turned into, "oh, and my computer's doing this weird thing..." or "how do I make it do...." It's nice to be the helpful friend, but it gets a lot less pleasant when you start to feel as if people are only friends with you because of what you can do for them.
I think the main thing is to make sure that hanging out as friends continues to be the primary reason you see and talk to him. Don't borrow stuff every time, do be a good friend. He already has a history of lending the DVDs to people and (if he's like me about my books) he'll probably be pleased that you're interested in watching something he likes enough to own.
I borrow books, DVDs, and CDs from friends. However, I also lend books, DVDs, and CDs to friends. While my collection might not be as large, I still try to share with others....
I think borrowing becomes mooching when you split the cost of something to take advantage of a company, or the person you are "borrowing" from. Case in point - some people go into buffets separately and only one pays, but both eat. This is mooching off the restaurant. Some people subscribe to newsletters or lists and then distribute to all their friends - I consider this mooching off the newsletter writer trying to sell subscriptions.
Megan | Jan 21, 2008
Go ahead and ask him if he would mind 0 it's not mooching. I am very much like your friend and never worry about lending movies out as long as they are returned in the condition I lent them in (all the DVD's in Greys Anatomy Season 3 came back? - check!). I agree with the above poster too - after borrowing a couple of times, buy the guy a drink or do something for him...but since you are friends, you probably already do :)
If he's ok with it and you take good care of them, then I don't think it's mooching.
Hopefully your relationship is reciprocal in that while you may not have anything he needs to borrow it also doesn't consist merely of your requests.
Like we're borrowing a bunch of DVDs from friends, but we feed their cats when they're out of town. It's not a quid pro quo arrangement it's just we're both friendly couples.
You have raised a very valid point.
I'll happily lend books or DVD's if I know that the borrower could be depended upon to read or see the DVD and return them in good condition without being asked.
I'll consider the borrower a bum if he or she does this all the time with other people and has no record of ever "giving anything."
And I think Kate's suggestions are great.
I agree with most of the stuff posted above. I would say that as long as you are polite about it, borrow for a limited time, and return the discs in the condition you received them then you are set. I think the biggest problem for many in that list would be "borrow for a limited time". There is nothing worse than loaning someone something and having to constantly hound them to get it back (and I have been on both sides of that situation). I think as a rule of thumb, your friend should never have to ask you if you are going to return it soon, and if he does, you should watch and return it the next day if possible.
I definitely agree that you should be more than happy to reciprocate borrowing, but I do not think you need to make a special effort to show your thankfulness all the time. I think that just being a good friend in other senses would be enough if you follow the three guidelines above.
Lastly, if you damage it, offer to replace it, even if it is watchable.
We have a strict no lend, no borrow policy. Too many times we have not gotten items back, or they have come back in bad condition. We also don't ever want to do that with someone else's stuff (accidents happen), so we just don't borrow either. It works well for us so there are no strained relationships on either side.
Jessica | Jan 22, 2008
I have a huge DVD collection, and I have no problems at all lending them out to friends. Sometimes, it's because I'm pushing them to watch a show, and sometimes they ask because they heard it through the grapevine that I have a nice collection.
I don't see my friends as mooching, rather I like sharing the gift of quality tv/movies. Once when I provided a full season of Alias before it was out on DVD (I recorded it on my own without commercials and then burned my own dvds), my friends gave me a bottle of wine. It was nice, but not neccessary. DVDs aren't like books, which can get dog-eared and fall out of the binding if read too many times. Thus, I don't see the problem in letting whomever wants a gander at them...
kate | Jan 21, 2008
First, ask him if he minds, and really listen to the answer. If he does not, go ahead, but be reciprocal. Bring him a bottle of wine, invite him for a homemade meal, help him shovel snow - whatever, just make it something he really would like or need. Also, if you are going to borrow from him, he has carte blanche to borrow from you. This, to me, is the distinction between borrowing and mooching.
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