Finances and Dating: First Date(s) Expenses?
Posted on March 07, 2007 by Him and tagged dating
Personal finances bloggers loooove to say that having a significant other doesn't have to be expensive. I'd argue that maintaining a relationship doesn't cost a lot of money, but getting a relationship to that stage can be pretty costly.
Her and I met in college, a time when we were both not making much money. Our first date was in a coffee shop on campus, where we sat and talked for a few hours. I'd say that the total cost of the date was under $10.
I sometimes wonder how different this would be if we met after college, in a big city like Chicago. I know I would definitely have asked her out, but where would I take her for our first date? Dinner at Charlie Trotters, followed by a concert with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (ironically enough, we haven't done either things yet since we've lived in Chicago)? A date like that could easily run $300.
While I can imagine that many of you are already giving me your disapproving bunnies look, I'd say that dates like the one described aren't that uncommon, especially in Chicago. Friends of mine have often lamented about the fact that dating can be so expensive. Personal grooming (as I have pointed out), dinner, and entertainment all can take their toll on your wallet.
Here's a few questions for you, dear readers:
What was your most expensive first date? Or any date? Why did (or didn't) you spend that much?
For the date-ees: Were you ever taken on expensive dates? How did you feel about that?
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None of my first dates have been particularly expensive. I have had four relationships that I consider significant in my life, and the first dates were as follows:
1. Dinner at a casual Mexican restaurant (probably about $50 total)
2. This was a high school boyfriend and I have no idea what our first date was because we mainly saw each other at school and hung out at home. So I'm going to go with date #1 cost: $0
3. Coffee shop (about $10)
4. Shooting pool plus a movie at home (about $20 for pool)
Other first dates have mainly been coffee shop dates because I just like coffee for a first date. It's cheap, goes on only as long as you want it to, and you get a chance to really talk to the other person. It's subsequent dates that can really add up! But it's not that hard to keep your costs down.
The most expensive one I've ever paid for was for my fiance's birthday 2 and a half years ago, I took him out to dinner at a swanky downtown restaurant ($100) and then had reserved a Jacuzzi suite at the hotel chain I worked for. Lucky for me, there was a hefty staff discount so the room rate was only $40.
Most expensive date my fiance has ever paid for was a birthday gift to me one year - dinner downtown plus tickets to a concert. That was probably about $250.
Wow, I guess I got lucky in that respect. Both my wife and I share passion for simplicity(cheap stuff)and financial 'smarts'. We didn't start spending money for months. When we did, because she is so independent, she paid as much or more than I did.
Guess I should buy her nice stuff now that we have more money!
Cat | Mar 8, 2007
Since I have taken the initiative and asked a gentlemen out in the past I paid for the first date. Between dinner, movie and drinks afterward it was a pretty hefty first date (well over $100). I honestly never done all three on one first date and was a little perturbed at all three. It gave me empathy for guys really trying to impress a woman. I have also been taken out on a first date and a really nice restaurant with bottles of wine costing more than a good pair of shoes. I felt it was too much too soon, and that it was some sort of message he was sending to me and was not entirely comfortable with it. Thankfully my fiance and I are on the same page about spending money.
My boyfriend didn't start dropping serious cash on the occasional night out until after we were already pretty serious about each other--guess I'm a cheap date. Now we probably have a $100+ date once a month or so--we split it or he pays. I am, however, planning to take him to a really serious sushi restaurant for an amazing dinner for his 30th birthday. That will probably be the most expensive date we've ever been on, to the tune of about $300.
mattie | Mar 9, 2007
Now that I'm out of school, the beginning stages of a relationship are definitely more expensive than subsequent stages--One factor why that's so is the fact that I wouldn't ever invite a guy to my place for a first or second date unless I already knew him fairly well--I would never consider it for someone I met while out, as a blind date, or online, the three places I've met dates since graduating from school. It sends a skeezy message, and I simply don't think it's safe, given that I live alone, to invite strangers into my house. So we're going to go out, and unless we don't want to eat or drink anything, that means we'll be spending money.
After I got to know my boyfriend a little better, we did more cooking together, renting movies, etc.. We still go out on dates, but also have more, and cheaper, options than were available to us before. (Don't tell me we could have initially done cheap things like gone on picnics together--we met in January in Minnesota. We would have died of exposure before we ever had our first kiss).
Until the point where your relationship is serious enough that you actually sit down and talk about money and financial goals, all you have to go on is subtle messaging--do they always want to do the free thing, or are they willing to spend a little more money when it's a question of getting higher quality/doing something that's important to me? You have to intuit how they approach their finances, because most people are simply not comfortable talking about their retirement savings priorities with someone they've had dinner with twice.
When my wife and I were dating, I did drop this sort of coin on her (ironically, at Charlie Trotter's and other joints in Chicago). Since we got married, the dates have gotten cheaper. This past Valentine's Day, she got take-out from the local diner. And for her birthday, she didn't get anything, because I forgot. Turns out all of the dough I spent trying to impress her was wasted, since she's a simple girl who doesnt care for that shit.
usedtotrytoohard | May 5, 2007
The most I've ever spent on a first date was weirdly enough when I lived in Chicago, a few years back.
She suggested Shaw's Crab House. Not knowing any better I agreed - and after having probably the best meal I've ever had and a nice bottle of wine I got the biggest dinner bill too.
Somewhere in the range of $160-180. With the tip the bill was right at $200 - which I charged, to my 'Platinum' card. then we went to the movies which was another $20-30 bucks - which I charged. then there was the cab ride - paid cash for that.
After all that - No 2nd date...
Luckily my current girlfriend is very content with meals a fraction of the cost of that one. I also pay cash for everything now .
cory | Mar 7, 2007
First dates ARE expensive! Try shelling out the dough for a whole bottle of roofies without a prescription rider on your medical insurance.
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