Cheese Graters and the Force
Posted on March 29, 2007 by Him and tagged budget, relationship
Yesterday's post by Her garnered some good discussion, and there are a few details that I'd also like to address.
This whole issue is not about a cheese grater or a vase, or any ONE particular item. Admittedly, I'm not that much of a cheese fan (lactose intolerance does that), but the grater was a really cool purchase for its ability to shred parmesan with ease.
From her post:
Stuff like a vase, a kitchen grater, etc. (emphasis mine)
It is the et cetera that I was beginning to worry about. Magically, more and more household items were beginning to appear. Some napkin rings here. Some placemats there. Associated charges from Bloomingdale's and Williams Sonoma appearing on the joint account. Since they were relatively small purchases, it didn't really have a significant effect on our overall finances. Yes, they were small purchases that we'll both end up using, but ultimately I feel like they were Her purchases.
I'm guessing it wasn't so much WHAT was purchased, but that you were the one that got to choose the exact item, buy it, and spend the money.
That is in stark contrast to the purchases that I like to make on the joint account. I feel like I have to ask for every purchase, not because Her is in control of the account, but because I want to make sure that it is a purchase we're both going to be on the same page about. 99% of the time Her just tells me to go ahead and buy it.
The real issue here is that with the increase of our available cash flow, the Force method of budgeting is failing us (but we already knew that). Many have commented along the lines of "well, if it is in your household budget, then it shouldn't be a problem."
The problem is that we don't have a budget for household items. Just the Force.
If we have, say $500 left over at the end of the month, what's to stop Her from buying $500 of household items? Or me from buying a Mac Mini and say that's what the Dark Side of the Force wanted me to do? (okay okay, I'll stop with the incredibly dorky Star Wars references)
When we discussed this, we agreed that an arbitrary amount of leftover money could lead to a slippery slope of buying a lot of et cetera for both of us. By actually having a budget for household items, Her can have more freedom to buy whatever household items she wants as long as it fits in the budget.
I'll just have to make sure there's an electronics budget, too.
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Cat | Mar 30, 2007
I totally see where both of you are coming from. Maybe you should both negotiate that anything over a certain amount needs to be discussed if being purchased outside your allowance - i.e. - napkin rings or a cheese grater. Say anything over $20 for a purchase for the house or anything like that. It is a small amount yes, but it is an amount that won't make too much of a dent in your pocket book and won't leaving either one of you resentful towards each other
cli | Mar 30, 2007
i agree with christina that you should avoid buying stuff you most likely will get for a wedding if you choose to register at stores. also buying a cheese grater at target is a bit different then buying one at williams sonoma.
Barbara | Apr 1, 2007
If you are really trying to get out of debt, you not only don't need napkin rings, but you don't need to shop at Bloomingdales and Williams-Sonoma. If you really really need something, then buy it at Target or someplace cheap. If you really don't need it (and I have survived so far without a cheese grater or napkin rings) then save the money of put it toward your debt. Even if you do have a budgeted amount for something doesn't mean you need to spend it.
Christina | Mar 29, 2007
I have been tracking your blog for a while now because my fiance and I are in a very similar situation. I completely see both sides of your issue with household items. Remember that you are getting married and you will have a registry so save those kinds of things for people to buy you. When we bought our place I wanted to get all kinds of new household things but made an agreement with my fiance that we would only get things that were an absolute must. We had to eat off plastic plates for a while but eventually as the wedding fast approached and I had bridal showers we started getting plenty of gifts. Just my two sense.
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