Reader Question: Financial Transparency for Couples, Part 2

Posted on December 12, 2006 by Her and tagged relationship, transparency

This post is part of our week-long series on Creating Financial Transparency for Couples.

2. There are unclear privacy boundaries.
Jay believes that he has a right to see his wife’s financial statements. Jay’s wife believes that she has a right to keep her financial statements private. According to Anne Kathering, author of Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day, clarifies this boundary issue. Making important decisions together promotes intimacy. Refusing to discuss important matters is a violation of intimacy boundaries. Jay’s wife could reframe this issue to see that by allowing Jay to share her financial statements, she is being intimate and building a strong foundation for their relationship. In return, Jay could acknowledge the gift of intimacy his wife has shared with him, and show her that he appreciates her effort.

Other posts in this series:
1. There are two different methods of documentation being used. (Monday)
3. There are two different spending styles at odds. (Wednesday)
4. No dedicated time exists for talking about finances. (Thursday)
5. There’s no unified financial plan (Friday)

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Donna Jean | Dec 13, 2006

One thing that has really helped me feel more comfortable about sharing (and combining) my finances with my partner's is the ability to keep my personal account personal. I deposit "personal money" funds from our joint account into it and can spend it any way I like. I also like that he can use his personal money for anything he wants and I don't have to worry about it.

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Him | Dec 13, 2006

Donna - That's how we allocate our personal spending money as well.

I think the take home point is that you you and your partner agree on a privacy system, as do Her and I, but Jay and his wife do not.

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The Travelin' Man | Dec 13, 2006

I have my own set of privacy/finance issues, and it stems from my divorce. If you come home and find your bank account emptied, you tend to get a little protective of your ASSets, if ya know what I mean!

Obviously, I don't know Jay or his wife, but there may be a more sever underlying factor that is not readily apparent in the brief synopsis that was posted that might make one cautiously guarded about their finances to a partner.

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