Finances and Dating: Coupons
Posted on October 24, 2006 by Him and tagged coupons, dating, food
Since we're engaged, I will never be able experience dating as an adult in a big city. Many bloggers talk about the financial dynamic that they have between them and a long-term significant other. But what about the bloggers who are looking for love?
A few weeks ago I ran into a guy I knew in college on my way to work. There weren't that many things that I remembered about him, but one stuck out. He wasn't exactly smooth around the ladies, so naturally he was teased about going out on a date with a girl. On top of that, he announced that he was taking her to Steak and Shake - and had a coupon! Now I'm sure he didn't invest the saved money, but rather spent it on beer later that night.
Her and I use coupons for restaurants all the time, but we've been together for a long time. It is one of the ways that we can justify eating out once in a while at some of the more expensive restaurants in Chicago.
You're on a first date. Do you use a coupon? What do you think about the person who uses a coupon?
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First dates are about making the invited party feel as comfortable as possible. Coupons add an additional complication to the end of the meal when things should be most relaxed.
I don't have a problem with choosing free or inexpensive activities for a first date. But if someone used a coupon for a dinner they'd asked me to, I'd feel like I had made them overspend. And guilt? Not exactly romantic.
Moral of the story: Go where you can afford without coupons.
I am a very frugal person, and I've been known to use coupons at restaurants. But I would *not* react well to a guy using a coupon on the first date. He'd never get the chance to find out that I was thrifty because there would be no second date.
First dates are not only about making the invited person feel comfortable but also about making a good impression. And as my mom would say, if the guy isn't willing to spend any money on you now while he's still trying to impress you, you can be sure he won't be willing to spend any money on you or the family later when you're married.
I once dated a guy who would whip out his Entertainment book at the beginning of every date and ask me to pick a restaurant out of the book. To be quite honest, I thought it was kind of cheap and tacky.
There's a very fine line between being frugal and being cheap. So ditch the coupons, at least until you're officially a couple.
Sarah | Oct 24, 2006
Similar questions come up as we go out to eat with other couples. We have some good friends that we always use coupons with and others that would likely mock such a *crazy* idea.
HC has it right. There is nothing wrong with finding an inexpensive activity for a first date, but save the coupons for taking Mom our for Mother's Day.
This brings up a good question. At what point in a relationship is it okay to start using coupons? My fiancee and I do without hesitation, but we didn't always. I can't remember when we made that transition.
I once had a guy use his college ID to get discounts on the movie tickets on a first date. Problem was he was 30 and had been out of school for a long time. I'm all for saving money, but that's not frugal, that's cheap. There was no second date.
I agree with IRA. It might be a bit cheap. When you go on a first date you are picking up on every little thing to determine if you might be compatible with the person you are out with. I think it is fine after you've known someone for awhile.
I am as cheap as they come, but could never bring out the coupon on the 1st date. Once we were on the 3rd or 4th date I would break them out depending on how comfortable we were.
Wealthy Geek | Oct 26, 2006
I agree that using coupons on a first date is tres tacky. It smacks of wearing worn-out clothes to a job interview or something. You’re trying to make a good impression, guys! On a first date, the girl should never see you blink at how much the evening costs. And don’t worry: just as most of us aren’t expected to dress every day at work like we did for the job interview, you don’t have to continue wining and dining at that level throughout the relationship. Just make a good impression to get the ball rolling.
Albert | Oct 26, 2006
I see the point about coupons. What do you save anyway, a buck or two? But what about paying on a credit card? Is a man restricted to paying in cash to prove they can afford to date her?
I've been out of the dating scene for awhile, but... Do women really expect dinner and drinks at a fancy restaurant on the *first* date? Do men really accept that passively?
Arabella | Oct 26, 2006
I totally disagree! I'd be super impressed if I guy took me to a restaurant he thought I would like and then took out a coupon. I'd be like - great! this is a person who doesn't like to waste money! Just my type! I don't think it's tacky to save money. (ethically, of course) And I'm not a woman who is impressed by how much money you spend on me, but rather your character. To me, good financial sense is a lot sexier than dropping big bucks on dinner. In fact, I think the reactions to this post rather characterize a big problem with Americans - that we spend to "keep up with the Joneses" - we spend to impress people rather than to make ourselves happy.
and for Albert - often you save the price of an entree with restaurant coupons. these things add up. IRA - I take it the other way - if the guy is spending his money in practical ways now, he won't be wasting my money/the family's money later.
all that being said, I think the intent should show that the guy is sensible, not just cheap. As in, "hey do you want to try this new Afghani restaurant? great! I have a coupon there too!" as opposed to "we can only go out to places that are in the entertainment book"
It's not so much the coupon that would bother me, but rather the fact that he took me to Steak n' Shake! Come on! I mean, even Applebees would be a step up from that...
If someone wants to have a nice frugal date, why not:
-Have a dinner at home (I realize this would only work if you've both known each other quite some time before the date, and most likely wouldn't work for a blind date).
-If it's nice, have a picnic in the park.
-Meet up for lunch instead of dinner. Even better if it's during the work day - you can have an escape plan if the date does not go well.
Why not use a coupon? If the person ditches you because you used a coupon, they are probably not the one for you!
Does using a coupon really make it more awkward? I justify using coupons by saying, "Hey, since, it's buy one get one free, I can just pay for it, and your meal can be the free one." I normally pay for the girl anyways, but if she feels that her part is free, then I think she feels less guilty about me paying. No?
Alex Eames | Jan 9, 2007
What, are we living in the fifties? I'm most struck by the fact that all the women on this blog assume a man is going to pay for her dinner on a first (or any) date. On a first date, both parties should try to take the check, which usually ends up in a friendly agreement to split the check.
Trent | Oct 24, 2006
Using a coupon can be an effective way of flagging the person you're going out with. Are they thrifty? If they react well to the coupon, they probably are.
It might be a bit much to use a coupon on a first date, as you're just getting to know the basics of each other, but I think it's a very good way on a later date (if you're getting more serious) to check the date for a reaction if you're a thrifty person. A thrifty person and a big spender are going to have a lot of problems in a long term relationship.
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