Perspectives And Guilt About Money
Posted on April 02, 2006 by Him and tagged values
This weekend, I was tutoring a girl with her chemistry homework. She asked what kind of food was going to be served for lunch, which I replied, "Pizza." She grumbled and told me that last week she was out of town and all her and her family ate was restaurant food. Then she said something that put my money matters into perspective:
"I'm sick of restaurant food. Although we did go to a nice seafood place one of the days we were there. But it was EXPENSIVE. For the six of us, the bill came out to $80! I wouldn't want to be the one paying THAT bill." (emphasis mine)
It is weird to think that dinner for four later that night cost $145.00.
Let me back up here for a second and fill you in on the details of this tutoring program. Once a week, underprivileged children from poor neighborhoods come to my church for after school tutoring. Most of these kids don't have a stable life at home and are exposed to domestic violence, gangs, and drugs. Their moms aren't worried about net worth - they're worrying about how to survive.
When I come home from a tutoring session, I can't help but feel guilty, and even little greedy that I have had the opportunity to have even a few nice things. Thus, I have a hard time reading about the "struggles" of some pfbloggers goal to reach a million bucks. No matter how one looks at it, most pfbloggers are either a part of the upper echelon of financial prosperity, or are well on their way to getting there. I have a hard time thinking about becoming rich, wealthy, or even well-off, knowing that the kid I tutor went home to a life where that may never be reachable.
Do you ever feel guilty about having too much when there are so many people who have so little? How do you reconcile this with your own beliefs and values?
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Yes, I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I was brought up in a middle-class family and I'm trying hard to build a middle-class life that more resembles a working-class life, and at the same time, I am aware that there are billions of people much worse off than I am. Individuals are a summation of their experiences and their environment.
Oh also -- the thing about human is you don't have to reconcile two seemingly conflicting thoughts. Our brains are built to handle cognitive dissonance (some better than others).
I don’t feel guilty necessarily about my finances. I have a very negative net worth and if I am truly honest…I am one stumble away from disaster and perhaps bankruptcy. What I feel is blessed because if that did happen, I have family that would step in and help in any way possible.
I feel bad because life is sometimes about geography, choices and opportunities. If my parents didn’t make the sacrifices they did to move out of our inner city neighborhood, who knows if I would be where I am today? I feel guilty because I am not necessarily doing my part to volunteer and bring hope and optimism to those who feel like they are drowning in their environment and that a good life is only for those who live in a certain place or who are born under different circumstances.
julie | Apr 3, 2006
I feel quilty every day about my fortune, not necessarily in net worth, but fortune in health, happiness, and opportunities. I try to counter my guilt by reminding myself to always be conscious of all that i have and never take my fortune for granted. It is frustrating to want to give so much (monetarily) and yet have to focus on my future life with my husband and our financial security, so I try to focus on what else I can give - small donations when we can, but also understanding, time, and patience when we can.
c | Apr 3, 2006
My husband and I recently went out to a nice dinner that cost about $125 for the two of us. That night I thought a lot about that--and how there are a lot of people for whom $125 would buy a whole month of groceries, or meet some other immediate need. I grew up with a single mom and while we always had necessities and occasional niceties, we could have never had a $125 meal. I know my husband and I have worked hard to get where we are, and even though we are very generous to our church and various charities, sometimes I think we need to be doing more...
I try not to feel "guilty", because I'm not sure it's the healthiest and most productive response, but I do often feel very conflicted and challenged about my financial decisions. It's hard to figure out how much I should keep for myself (both in terms of what I spend and what I save) and how much I should give away, considering that much of why I have a surplus of income over expenses is because of either good luck or my middle-class, highly-educated American background.
I spend a lot of time thinking about my choices (enough to write a whole blog about it!) but I never end up with any easy answers. Mostly I just try to live frugally and avoid "because I can" consumption, think about the social impacts of the choices I make, and give money and time to organizations that I believe make the world/society a better place. I always wonder if I'm doing the right things or if I should be doing more, though...
Yes - which is why I think that we all need to make room for charity in our lives. By charity I mean either what you do (i.e. physically volunteering) and what you give (i.e. $) to better the lives of those who are less fortunate than you are. As individuals, there is nothing wrong with striving to make the best life for yourself and your family. However, we should never ever ignore the need for greater good within our own society. Staying mindful of that is essential. There will always be disparities between what one person has and what the next person has - that's life. We need to keep those differences in mind because if you have more, then you have a greater social responsibility to help others with less. At least, thats the way I see it...
Not to seem unfeeling, but I don't feel guilty. I do feel a sense of responsiblity to help those less fortunate, but it doesn't come from guilt. Rather, it comes from a desire to help people achieve up to their level of capabilities.
I often feel guilty about money, especially when it's tight for me and I know there are others who need it. My fiance's family is very poor, but much of the reason for it is through their own poor choices and spending habits. Much of it, also, is due to classism and racism and a lack of opportunities in the remote area where they live. Truly it's a cultural problem. I want to help them, and we have, but we are also in big debt and moments away from our first baby, so I've had to say no a few times lately and it's caused some stress. Thanks for the topic.
Do I feel guilty? No. While my financial situation does not qualify as a success story, everyday I choose to overcome financial illiteracy and change my money behavior.
It may not be a struggle for the rest of you in pfblogger world, but it is indeed a struggle for me.
I don't think anyone should feel guilty for working hard and making the right financial choices for themselves and their families. All one can do is, as one commenter stated earlier, is to remember to contribute to the greater good of society, like you are doing. But feeling guilty that you can afford something and others can't? I don't. (And I can barely afford anything at the moment!--HA!)
--CollegeGrad
calgirlfinance | Apr 2, 2006
Yes I do feel guilty!! This is one area in which I have thought about for the past 6 or so years. When I was in college, I majored in business, but decided that rather than going into business, I wanted to help people. I went to grad school in education (not to be a teacher, but to do policy/nonprofit stuff). However when I got my degree, I couldn't get a job with a nonprofit. Finally after about 4 months, I applied for some business jobs and I got one of those. Now I feel that with my financial goals and hopes of being a stay at home mom, I have to continue working in the business world. One thing that prevents me from feeling guilty is regularly tithing 10% of my income to church/charities. Unfortunately I am currently behind, so I'm not feeling too good about the state of my finances.
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