If Money Were No Object - Use Imaginations People!
Posted on April 18, 2006 by Him and tagged humor, meme
I loathe memes. But, since I am doing absolutely nothing on the couch while the ol' ACL heals up, I thought I'd participate in the If Money Were No Object meme started by the diva-taculous Single Ma.
Now, this means that I have unlimited money. Or better yet, a debt/credit card with no limit and never has to be paid.
I always thought that the point of these tasks were to let you imagination soar to reveal what you would really do without boundaries. That said, without further ado, here's 10 things I would do If Money Were No Object:
- Fill room with gold coins, dive in and take a swim, a la Scrooge McDuck in Ducktales
- Toilet paper? Grab a Benjamin!
- Gilded life-size statue of me and Her.
- I would never be in the same city for more than a few days, staying at pimptacular hotels, renting limos to go to McDonald's, and getting wasted everynight, then jetsetting off to whatever destination. Who needs a permanent dwelling if you're the richest transient around?
- Open a bar. If you can make me laugh, drinks are on the house. Assholes get thrown out immediately. Ladies night? How about ladies FOREVER (sorry Her, but this is fantasyland I can do whatever I want)
- Dig a huge tunnel underground that a million bats will live in. I'll install crime fighting computers and gizmos in the cave, not to mention have a kick ass bat-shaped car. I'll learn martial arts and get a cool rubber costume that may or may not have nipples. At night I will become a vigilante and beat up robbers, and penguin-resembling crime bosses with specialized equipment that I have on my belt. TOTALLY ORIGINAL.
- New clothes, everyday. The old ones can be auctioned off millions with the proceeds going to charities.
- Drink every beer ever brewed.
- Buy stock when it is HIGH and sell when it is LOW. DAREDEVIL!
- Get out of debt, give billions to charities, philanthropy, blah blah blah
Top this absurdity, bitches.
Comments/Trackbacks
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Major | Apr 19, 2006
1) Buy a hockey team. Actually, screw that. I'd buy a hockey league!
2) Quit my job
3) Be responsible and put some money away so the little booger picker can go to college
4) I'd buy a boat. Something small, manueverable, but makes a statement. I'm thinking the USS Ticonderoga.
5) I'd pimp out the booger pickers' school.
6) Hire an Au Pair. In fact I'd hire that blonde one that was at the park the other evening with the low-rise jeans and long blonde hair that Mrs. Major said she would never hire as an Au Pair. Hey, it's my money!
7) Buy trampoline for Au Pair to jump on (A guy can dream!)
8) Fund scholarships for actual deserving middle class kids
9) Be responsible, set-up non-profit that works with corporations to meet the needs of local public schools to increase the quality of education being provided (i.e. booger picker is going to be going to public school some day).
10) Must.have.Mercedes.McLaren.SLR
11) Anything left over will go into a stock fund
12) Oh yeah, move out of this area and back to my home state of mind.
Buy Tahiti, clear out the riff raff (i.e. anyone who wasn't born there) and have it all to myself (I and my guests would be the exception to the native born clause).
The best "If I win the lottery" idea I've ever heard comes from a friend at my spouse's work. His idea is to go back to work the next day, with a hired mariachi band in tow. That mariachi band would follow him around work, to his meetings, sit in his cubicle with him, etc. And anytime anyone tried to talk to him that day—the minute a single word was uttered—the mariachi band would have instructions to play some mariachi classics as loudly as they could: "AY AY AY AY...."
And then the newly rich guy who hated his job would just go home, presumably leaving the mariachi band to their own devices.
sweep picker | Jun 19, 2006
If money were no object I would set the relatives that really need it up with 3 bedroom 2 bath houses. I would take my parents on a cruise.
I would get a few properties in San Francisco near the Cliff house, Venice, CA near the boardwalk, and something in Newport Beach or one of those OC beach spots.
I would donate a lot of money to charity here and abroad.
Single Ma | Apr 18, 2006
This is classic! You had me LMAO the entire time!! OMG, I have to link to you on my blog. This is hilarious!
Peace out pimp!
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